No, I'm not made to be single...

Last week my cousin Elaine posted an article from the Huffington Post on Facebook. About being a single woman, 'Divorced and not dating' it's called...here, have a link: Divorced and not dating . I read it, it was interesting, and it got me thinking about my own life.

As you all know, I got divorced about 5 years ago, after a 20+ yr marriage and a 28yr relationship with my first ever boyfriend. And at the time I 'liked' being single. At first I was numb and devastated, after a while I found a job and started to study again, thinking I was really making something of myself.

I didn't really have time to feel alone, I saw my kids regularly and my friends...But then my contract at work didn't get renewed (economic crisis hitting here too) so I didn't have a reason to get out of the house anymore. I was still living at my son's place though and taking care of his cats, with much pleasure!

You know, even if they're cats...they're happy when they see you (and get food or a clean litterbox) and you get cuddles and they need to be cared for...That was a real pleasure!

Somehow I managed to live quite nicely and fly to Chicago every year to visit my new boyfriend. I had to get on my own two feet too, so I moved to live with a girlfriend for a while, all in the north of the country and from there I found a job in the city where I live now. And after a while I found a house there too (well, if you can call it that).

Again I lost my job, after almost a year. And I have to say: I already started to feel lonely. I am in a city where I know only a few people- that are usually busy- and I have no money.

Well Dan said last vacation that I would join him forever in a year, year and a half. Let's say it's gonna be two years (the year that has passed and a year from now). And my kids gave me a kitty! I talked that over with Dan of course and he is all for it, said I can bring her to Chicago when the time comes and everything. So I started my 'Crazy Cat Lady Starter Kit' for little Kira Nerys!

As you can see she gets the best of the best and on the picture I have of her she's 2 weeks old. Next Monday is gonna be the day I will get her...a little kitten to take care of! That is at least something...Because I have found out in the time I was alone to find myself...I was NOT made to be all on my own, I really need people or at least pets to interact with and take care of! Dan says I am taking such good care of him already, hahaha. He has changed a lot. And so have I. In the years after my marriage I have become milder.

So I guess I am more than ready for the next chapter in my life! Starting with a cat....

Have a good day you all, and love the one you're with!

Hugz, Anna

I'm one happy lady!

Yes I am!

I have the wig now and I wear it every day like a good girl, but only when I have to go out. I can put it on without even looking in the mirror...although I always do because I like the new me ;) I even put on make-up and do my nails again. These may sound like little things to you but to me they are BIG.

Looking back, I have been depressed for a long time. And it always went between mildly depressed and severely depressed (that is when I say myself I am depressed :p ) but I feel I am climbing out now, on the way back to...normal?

The day before yesterday I was devastated when I heard about the death of Robin Williams. Seems like he was severely depressed and saw no other way. And I have to say: I could relate! But on the other hand: I have SO MUCH to live for! My kids, my beautiful and funny grandkids, my very sweet and supportive boyfriend...

My kids are tempting me to have a kitten. Sandro's sluttycat has just had her third litter and they are 3 really cute ones: 2 tuxedos and a tortoise. Of course I asked Dan because, well, I AM going to Chicago forever in about a year or so. And he is a dog person as much as I am a cat person :p  I would be bringing my kitty with me of course, so I had to know if that would go well with his dog Loki (a Cairn Terrier mix) but he is totally ok with it! He is even thinking about if he can give me an 'allowance' to feed the cat and take him/her to the vet to be vaccinated and so on. I would train the cat to walk on a leash with all of the travelling we'll be doing in the future. But I have 7or 8 weeks to make a final decision!

I called my aunt yesterday. She was just back from vacation and is celebrating her '25 yrs older than me' birthday next week. She said I would of course be welcome on her birthday but since I want to have a little 'serious' talk we decided I go after that. She said my new hair looks really good, that she's sooo jealous!!! Auntie and I share the same problem so she asked me to tell her all about it and show it to her when I go there.

And that'll be the first real try-out for the wig of course ;)  Over 2 hours train to get there and the same back again and wearing it all day!

I am really excited about going to see my aunt and uncle, they live so far away and the train is really expensive (well maybe not but for someone on my budget it kinda is). But we have such a tiny little family and about half of them live in the States! And my aunt and uncle are such amazing people, you really wouldn't give them their age. I already know that if my aunt would get wind of my wedding date, wild horses couldn't keep her away! Wish I could visit them more often!

A lot of news...well it seemed so to me ;) 

You all have exciting days like I am having!

Hugz, Anna

Never underestimate the power of Social Media!

Last week I finally heard from City Council here, in answer to my request for special assistance in order to buy me the so much needed wig.

In my request I emphasised that granting me the special assistance would save them money too because I am sure my current 'head of hair' is hindering me in the search for a job, you habe only one chance to make a first impression and my balding head is not making a good one!

But my request was denied! Their motivation was it is a medical matter and the health insurance should cover that. Well, health insurance here covers €409 a year for wigs and if you have the highest additional insurance it covers €190 extra. And after all the research I have done I found out that just isn't enough to buy a wig with all the extra's you need for the first time, like learning how to put it on and take it off, having it cut to taste, learning how to take care of it...

The wig I opted for was €800 and the cheaper options were from €750 and up. So not a big difference in price really!

Well, no need to say I was devastated by the denial and since I am quite alone here I emailed my family and posted it on Facebook. I had to tell someone, right? And it's not like I am telling the whole world, I have about 90 friends on Facebook and I keep everything very private.

But...a miracle happened! One friend commented on my status with:"I donate €10 for Anna's much needed wig! Who's next?" Then another friend added:"I already offered to donate too when you made the request, can I do it now?" 

I decided to put my PayPal data on Facebook and asked people to contact me with a personal message if they wanted my bank number. And believe it or not...the donations started coming in and thanks to one VERY generous sponsor I had the whole sum I needed within 24 hours! I got the cutest messages on the bank statements too, like 'one lock on the back left' 'donation for your Foxy Locks and something extra for a nice bow' and even 'I love you'...

Thanks to my friends I got to pay the 'hairworkspecialists' and I have an appointment on Tuesday the 22nd of July. (They are on vacation this week.) WIGTIME!!! PARTY!!!

In the meantime my sweet boyfriend had ordered me the second choice of wigs unknown to me. We had browsed some sites and I found the right wig in the right color online from an American company. He planned that for the 'care package' he is gonna send me, and he was still under the assuption City Council was gonna pay the first choice for me. But as soon as I told him about the rejection, he told me. And what surprised me most when I was browsing with Dan is how much less wigs cost in the US, about a fifth to half of what they cost overhere!

So in a week I will have a head of hair again! And I can take it off at will too ;)  I am so excited...And so grateful and humbled by all my dear friends on Facebook who made it possible!!! I really do have the very best friends...

For now I have one empty wig tree (I ordered that when I put in my request too) and I really think that for the money they are asking the hairworkspecialist could put in one of those styrofoam heads and shampoo and conditioner too ;) But it won't be empty for long because very soon I will have not just one but two pretty wigs! All thanks to the best friends a girl could wish for... What a post on Facebook can do eh?

Have a nice day and cya on Facebook?

Hugz, Anna

Another year has passed...

Yup, I've had another birthday. Another year older and, hopefully, wiser. At my birthday I like to look back on the last year, remember what has happened, what I have done. And the last year has been a bit eventful.

Last year I was still working at my birthday. And I got to celebrate it with my stepdad and a friend (we went out for lunch, that was fun!) and a week later with my kids and granddaughter. 

I had to move because my landlord was renting out the place I lived in, illegally. Now I live in a slightly spruced up garage. After going to a lawyer and making quite some waves I got stuff that was broken, repaired and well, I am planning to move to Chicago so...what the heck.

In November/December I spent 2 weeks in Chicago, with Dan. To celebrate his birthday and Thanksgiving which, to make it special, were on the same day, LOL. I found out Dan lied about his age, instead of older than me he is 5 yrs younger, hahaha. And he said we would be together forever in a year-year and a half. Well I made that 2 years, just to be sure.

When I was back from vacation-2 days or so- I got the lovely news my contract was not going to be renewed. Oh well I had worked there for 10 months, partly thanks to my vacation I guess. So now I am back on Social Services and searching for a job! Story of my life...and of course I get rejection after rejection...good thing I don't take that personally.

On March 30th I became grandma for the second time, my daughter gave birth to a beautiful baby boy called Xavi. His big sister Layla is very happy, she wasn't jealous at all but I think that is slowly coming now. But she is a really big girl now and she sleeps in a Big Girl Bed (and falls out of it at times ;)  )

And I am losing parts :p I have extensive work done on my teeth and still need to have that finished (but I'm out of money) and I have to start wearing a wig. Sometimes I feel like an old broken down car. But most of the time I feel like a unique piece of vintage 1962 memorabilia!

So I am keeping it positive and I look forward to what this new year in life has in store for me!

Have a great life!!! Hugz,

Anna

Things seem to be looking up...finally!

Remember my washing machine broke down over 2 months ago and I had no means of getting a new one? Well, I got special assistance to buy one! I was opting for a Zanussi but there also was a Bosch on offer at the store, at a really good price. But (of course, my luck) they didn't have any more in stock. Thanks to my Dutch thriftiness and Italian haggling skills (and with my limited budget in mind) I got them to sell me a Siemens with a 50 euro discount! Same machine, same factory. They even promised to deliver the next day so now I am the proud owner of a spanking brand new washing machine...and yes it is in the house already, installed and everything. I really don't like doing the laundry but now with the new machine (and my exploding hamper :p) I am really looking forward to doing my first load!

And I am sure you are all waiting to hear how things are in the wig department! The intake was a bit of a let-down. The prices of wigs scared me almost to death, especially if you think about the life expectancy of only one year (and that is with daily use). But we talked a bit about colors and models I would like and they were gonna order a number of wigs to try.

 

So, 2 weeks later, I picked one. Well, 2 really. My friend Cobie who made the pictures, picked the same, good sign ;) But of course I had to ask more advice so I sent the pics to Dan and my kids too. And everyone picked the same: Coupe Chaos as pictured above. So I am going for that one of course. I get part of it reimbursed by health care (it IS sort of a medical condition after all) and for the rest, well the other half really, I will have to ask special assistance again. Have to throw it on psychological probems like depression and lack of self confidence and that the city council wants me to work again to get out of the dole.

Have to say, it was really confronting, seeing myself  'with hair'  once again and when the wig went off I really wanted to cry. I never realised how bald I really am. (OMG that was 3 'really's' in two sentences :p)

Of course I had a look around on the internet and I found that wigs cost about half as much in the USA so I am ordering one via Dan with my tax return/vacation money. The second wig all chose, shoulder length hair with bangs so I can do that up. That way I will have 2 hairdo's in different lengths and colors!

The extraordinary price for my Coupe Chaos luckily does include a LOT of service that I can learn from for my future wigs. All and all, I am a happy girl...well happy-ish :p Just help me hope I will get the money for my first wig...

 

Y'all, have a good hairday and hugz from

 

Anna

The continuing story about...my (lack of) hair.

Okay, I was at the doctor's yesterday. I asked her to write me a statement for my health insurance because I have AGA (AndroGenetic Alopecea) and I told her a little about my family. She asked if I had ever been to a dermatologist for this and I asked: 'Why? Can a dermatologist make hair come back that is gone?' She was like:'Hmmm, you have a point there...' So she wrote me a declaration and the next stage in my quest can begin...

I got a lot of really nice comments on this blog and on Facebook. And also comments like: you knew that already, right...we knew! I guess I knew, deep inside, but I just buried my head in the sand and didn't want to know it, after all, a woman and getting bald... Not the most uplifting story :p 

So the next step: an appointment with a specialized hairsalon here in town. Luckily I have a friend here that used to wear wigs because of chemotherapy and she offered to come with me and make pictures of me with the wigs I'll be fitting. Because at that salon they do an intake where they explain stuff and fit some wigs and I am sure my friend can ask the questions needed, I am still a wig-n00bie ;) I am so happy she'll be coming with me (and drag me inside by my ears if needed, haha!).

Well, ever since I admitted to myself I need a wig, I decided to treat it as just another fun fashion accessory. And I'd like to own different wigs in different styles and colors. Nobody that really knows me is gonna believe that luscious hair came out of my own head and people that don't know me...well they are just gonna see the blonde or brunette or redhead that I happen to be that day :p 

So yeah, I'll be going for fun and foxy ;) My first wig is gonna be paid for by the health insurance and the second one by...Dan! Of course he totally supports me, even said I look lovely the way I am (he can be such a liar at times but hey, he knows how to make me feel good!) and he promised me a second wig. And I am gonna share the fitting pictures with him so he can pick it out himself...

Really, thanks to all the nice reactions I have gotten, I feel a lot better now. And I am starting to see the whole wig thing as an exciting adventure! I hope to have 3 or 4 wigs in a while so I can wear my 'hair' according to how I am feeling or according to what is appropriate for the occasion. No more super-fake buns for me :p 

So, all of you have a great day and remember: 'as long as your hair looks okay' (in Dutch: als je haar maar goed zit) ;) 

Hugz, Anna

Confession time.

I have a confession to make...Have to say, I am really ashamed but well, sh*t happens I guess and it's not something I can do anything about or that's gonna be ok if I wait long enough.

I am going bald. And I don't mean my hair is just getting a little bit thinner. It is classic male pattern baldness also known as Alopecea Androgenetica. And yes, last time I checked I still had the girl parts but apparently it happens to some women too.

People that have known me for a long time still can remember me with bangs. I ALWAYS had bangs because my forehead was so high. Several years ago I just combed my hair to the back because my hairline started creeping up so bangs were no longer a possibility. And then I always had to wear my hair in a ponytail or a bun and now I just kind of create a fake bun...

But my hair is really getting...messy now. On top of my head I have still a few long hairs(about 10-15 :p ) and some shorter ones, you can easily see the skin through it. And my ponytail is of a really pathetic size now, a bit thicker than a pencil.

 So, ehm...yes. I may have to resort to a wig. And well, I could have expected it... My father wasn't very blessed in the hair department - he was almost bald when I was born- my mom wore a wig and my aunt still does. So it's definitely hereditary. Something to do with menopause and hormones and stuff.

I have been thinking about this for, well, years already really. And now that I have more time again because I don't work anymore...I have been looking up things on the internet. Alopecea Androgenetica... I wanted to share this with all of you first, so you can ask me if I have been to the doctor already ( I have to do that in order to get compensation from my health care insurance for that blasted wig.).

Decided I will call for an appointment for next week. You know I am already getting nervous just thinking about that? And then I still have to call and explain to the assistant why I want an appointment etc. etc. Goosebumps!

I have no idea how much time this all will take but next time you see me and my 'hair' looks great...just try to forget, ok? :p 

Thanks for letting me ramble on!

Hugz, Anna

Mama's got a brand new coat :p

Yeah, well...I still had a little bit of money left before I am really starting to get dirt poor. €70 to be exact. And I have been looking for a decent summer coat for quite a while, because I only have this short black jacket. So I was looking online for a nice coat, preferably a trench coat, in one of my favorite stores. And I found one at H&M. I just love that shop, fashionable clothing and affordable prices and every now and then a special surprise just for me ;) Like that lovely wool winter coat just in my size for only €10...That is hanging in Dan's walk-in closet in Chicago and it was perfect for church ;) Oh and did I already say I just love their plus size department?

So yesterday I jumped on my trusty scooter on my way to H&M. Gosh I love that store and I could spend loads and loads of money there, if I had loads and loads of money, haha. I went to the plus size section, they used to call that Big is Beautiful, don't know why they dropped that name. And I started looking through the racks of new arrivals. There were some 'biker' jackets and that striped tunic I love but no trench coat.

I was getting slightly bummed. Now I thought I found a perfect coat and they don't have it? Grrrr, my luck :( Oh well. There still was the sales rack so I decided to browse through that...sure I'd find something nice to comfort myself. And guess what? Yes indeed, the famous trench coat! And not only that, but in my size ànd 50% off!!!

So of course I janked that from the rack! That coat was MINE...And since I still had €35 to spare now I also took the grey and black striped tunic I have been admiring for quite some time ;) Happy me! Two items for the price of one and €10 to spare. I told the cashier I saw the same coat the day before on internet for €69,95 and she told me it got priced off just that day. So, looks like my luck is slowly turning?

Well, the weather doesn't permit me to put on my new coat yet but I am wearing the tunic, with a grey legging. (Only because my black ones are in the laundry basket and well, you know about my washing machine...been without one for over a month now :p ). But it looks good! 

Now all I have to do this week is get me a new lottery ticket, because I won my money back and who knows, with my new found luck I might even win a big prize :D 

I wish all of you lots of luck in whatever you're doing!

Hugz, Anna

Finally some news...

Hey there dear friends! It's been a while since I wrote a blog and I am so ashamed...but I have had a LOT to deal with again in the past few months. I'll try to give you some updates:

• My house. I have my wardrobe, I have internet (after sitting in the library twice a week for weeks on end :p ) and the landlord had to pay for the damages he has done. I am still living in a refurbished garage and it's still not my ideal but...I have sort of learned to live with it!
• I have been to Chicago again!!! 2 weeks with my darling, in November/December. I got to celebrate Thanksgiving and his birthday (that was the same day this year). Dan turned 46. I mean: 46!!!! He is quite a bit younger than he made me believe LOL. But he is still the same (sweet) person so I don't care ;) He was scared I wouldn't like him anymore if he told me his real age since I am 5 years older than that.
• We have set a time frame for me to emigrate to Chicago. 1-2 years max. Again: not ideal but it is something I can oversee and deal with.The whole 'process' is gonna take about 8 months anyway so...
• 3 days after I came back from vacation my supervisor at work asked me to come with her. And she told me my contract was NOT going to be renewed. Well I was like WTF! Just before Christmas my job was done. Such perfect timing. The first time they pulled one like that on me (in August) I still had to work 5 days, which I did and totally kicked ass. This time it was 10 days. And I swear: I went to work thinking I was gonna repeat that. But I couldn't. I simply couldn't. I felt literally physically ill.I was numb. And I called in sick for the remainder of time...
• I am filling out forms like crazy. Quittance for the City Council Tax, Water Tax. Forms to get on dole. And even forms to ask for special assistance because my washing machine broke and I don't have the money to get me a new one. This is all new to me. I even filled out the forms for income taxes and I should get €120,- back this year ;) But I mean, A4 envelopes full of bank statements (of 4 pages each) pay specifications, copies of my ID and stuff, at least 20 pages per envelope! And that times 4! Guess that was something I still had to learn ;) 

So, I am keeping quite busy ;) I even made 2 new friends here, ex co-workers. I got to really know them after I was fired. And they are sweethearts, they make me feel less lonely here in Alkmaar!

And my long awaited grandson is born on March 30. His name is Xavi and he's a cutie, just like his sister Layla!

I am still hoping to find a job soon again. That I don't have to wait and wait and apply for jobs and get rejected like the last time. I am not one for hand outs and I really want to work!

Well, guess this is it for now. I promise I will write soon again (I promise that a LOT don't I?)

You all just have a great day and a wonderful life!

Hugs, Anna